Finally after many slowing miles, numerous wrestling tournaments as the designated throwing dummy, countless hacker hockey tournaments and a hip replacement later I have returned to the road racing world as a walking weekend warrior. I decided to enter the Ottawa Race Weekend and see how fast I could power walk the 5 kilometer event.
The cheetah is the fastest land animal in existence. Top running speeds of 70 miles per hour have been recorded. Cheetahs are built for speed not for stamina so they usually want their dashes to be as short as possible. Since the Ottawa Marathon Race Weekend has race distances of 3 kilometers, 5 kilometers, 10 kilometers, half marathon and the 26.2 mile marathon, the cheetah analogy might not work.
The ostrich may be a more fitting animal mascot. These flightless birds can clock running speeds of 40 miles and maintain it for long distances. Ostrich power could kick butt in a 5 kilometer race. However, the most apt comparison to my current locomotive style might be that of a stranded, spasmodic sea tortoise wired on cheap street crack trying to crawl cross a freeway. Poetry in motion it was not!
I did an upper body weight workout right before the race. Why not turn this day into a full body experience? It also gave me an out. If I sucked, it was only a workout. I wasn't intending to win the thing.If I completely tanked it was because I worked out hard beforehand! Then again, as one of my neighbors always told me "Who cares? Nobody's watching!"
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| The graceful ostrich in full flight. Or is it! |
When I arrived at the race, I lined up at the very back of the slowest section. No need to be demoralized by getting passed right at the beginning. When the starting gun went off I was momentarily blocked by a mass of humanity. Slower walkers than me, and people pushing racing strollers with their children along for the ride were like an obstacle course for me to wind my way through. Zig zags, stops, starts and lateral steps replaced straight line walking.
It took about a kilometer to find enough open space to be able to focus on opening up my power walking stride. The spectators may have thought that they were witnessing my powerless walking stride.
My neighbor was wrong. People were watching! Hordes of cheering spectators waved signs and shouted encouragement. I thought I heard someone yell at me "Hurry up you geriatric slob. I got a hundred bucks riding on you!" I looked over but saw no such heckler. It must have been my imagination spurred on by the adrenaline rush of long lost competition. Only encouragement poured forth from the crowd lining the race route.
At no point in the race was I in danger of bonking. The main issue was that I can only walk so fast. I was determined that I was not going to break stride and start running. I just felt like I should be generating more speed but with one foot always in contact with the ground there is only so much velocity that can be generated without doing a face plant. Fortunately I avoided the face plant but almost sprained an ankle in one of the potholes that make Ottawa's roads infamous. A quick lateral hop avoided what surely could have been a profanity laced disaster.
With a kilometer to go I decided to make a race of it. I power walked past fading hordes of fellow walkers and even some straggling runners reduced to a survival jog. As I was overtaking a half dozen walkers at the final stretch, they all started running and beat me to the finish line. I held to my vow and did not break into a run. It was a power (or powerless) walk the whole way.
I shouted "Where's the beer tent?" As usual, no one laughed at my quip. I collected my finishing medal and sought out the free massage tent. I was a weekend warrior once again!
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| No, it's not a participation medal! I had to finish the bloody thing first! |
In past years, the race quotas were always filled before I ever thought about entering. This year the number of racers was down. Us baby boomers are starting to succumb to our aches and pains. The youngest generation seems enslaved by their electronic gadgets and their computer games. There is already talk of replacing some traditional events in the Olympics with digital events. The world is changing. Hopefully the weekend warrior does not become extinct.
Until next time
Keep Fit!
Little Bobby Strong
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